Grownups, be humble. Teen girls are coping with their stresses far better than middle-agers, especially men, are
“The girls are not alright?” The adults are even less “alright.” If I were dictator, the following disclaimers would head all commentaries (citing ages of regular posters on here as examples) deploring teen mental health, suicide, self-harm, and/or social media:
- This humble substacker, male, age 73, belongs to a demographic Centers for Disease Control figures show is 6.3 times more likely to commit suicide and 4.7 times more likely to die from self-inflicted suicide or overdose than a high school girl (age 17). (How come we privileged old folks are handling life worse than teenagers are?)
- A popular author winning national attention lamenting girls’ mental health and blaming social media, male, age 60, himself belongs to a demographic 6.4 times more likely to commit suicide and 12.6 times more likely to die from self-inflicted suicide or overdose than a high-school girl. (Why are middle-aged men, including many fathers, so appallingly self-destructive and getting worse?)
- Another popular author deploring girls’ depression and blaming screens, female, age 52, belongs to a demographic 1.7 times more likely to commit suicide and 5.1 times more likely to die from self-inflicted suicide or overdose than a high-school girl.
- “Not-alright” adults are by far the biggest research-established cause of “not-alright” teens. Parents’ abuse, mental health, and rapidly rising drug/alcohol crises across the Anglo world are by far the leading known cause of teens’ mental health problems. No other factor is even close.
- The Centers for Disease Control’s definitive, multi-factor 2021 survey shows girls who are violently and/or emotionally abused by parents or household grownups are 8 times more likely to attempt suicide and 27 times more likely to self-harm compared to girls who are not abused. Why do none of the popular authors mention this?
- Social media use has mixed, generally protective associations. The CDC finds girls who frequently (5+ hours a day) use screens like TV, cellphones, and social media are 23% LESS likely to attempt suicide, 51% less likely to self-harm, and generally less likely to suffer other serious risks than are girls with little or no screen time (<1 hour a day). Again, why is this not mentioned?
All of the above statements are true and easily verified. Ordinarily, we would expect social scientists, political and health leaders, and media reporters to provide vital, balanced contexts when they discuss important issues like suicide and self-harm.
We would also expect more grownup humility. Teenage girls are coping with their supposed stresses, including more messed-up adults, far better than are supposedly stable, much more economically privileged middle-agers, especially men. That distressing reality may be a lot less fun to talk about than “social media,” but it affects teens’ well-being far, far more.
Thanks for the note, and I did to Melanie Hempe's substack... who knows if it will do any good.
Seriously -- it is time for grownup America to end this silliness. Smartphones and social media are not the problem with teenagers. Scientific studies, including CDC, Pew, meta-analyses, and serious reviews such as in Nature show being online generally benefits teenagers, including younger ones, in terms of sharply reduced suicide attempts, self-harm, and other major risks. If you don't believe this, I invite you to download and analyze these surveys and studies yourselves instead of relying on pop-media and pop-psychology splashes. What, then, is driving higher teen depression and suicide? Again, the surveys and statistics are distressingly clear, even as escapist feel-good posters deny them. Widespread violent and emotional abuses by increasingly troubled, addicted, mentally troubled parents and household grownups are by far the biggest causes of teens' depression, suicide, self-harm, and other risks, the CDC 2021 survey conclusively shows. Teens use phones and social media to keep in contact with others who can help them deal with this epidemic of troubled grownups around them, the Pew and CDC surveys show. Sure, any individual teen and family may differ from these norms, but in general, parents and adults should focus not on controlling teens' social media use, but on addressing their own adult crises of addiction, abuse, and unstable behaviors that affect the most vulnerable teens the most. I know what I'm saying here is not popular, unlike the soothing, self-flattering messages grownups indulge in these forums. I also know social-media moguls who would love to boost their profits by exploiting adult and teen alike are no heroes. But if we are grownups, we have to stop this cult of self-praise and admit that where teens are troubled, the adults around them are even more troubled. Let me leave you with this statistic: during the 2011-2021 period when teens became more depressed, CDC figures show an appalling, record 722,000 American grownups of age to parent teens (30-59) died from self-inflicted suicides and drug/alcohol overdoses, equal to the ENTIRE population of Denver gone, just the iceberg-tip of messed-up grownups our young people have to endure today. Teens today are right to be more depressed at the family, community, and global challenges they face. Let them at least keep their social media contacts so they can find peer help for themselves.
Bob Dylan said it best, I think:
"Come mothers and fathers
Throughout the land
And don't criticize
What you can't understand
Your sons and your daughters
Are beyond your command
Your old road is rapidly agin'
Please get out of the new one
If you can't lend your hand
For the times they are a-changin'"